Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Routine
I think we finally have a routine. Two days a week we take K to speech therapy in Denton followed by an hour of in home therapy that we have been taught how to do. Two more days a week we go to Irving for ABA therapy. After an exhausting three hours we finally get home and get ready for the next day. Over the weekend we are "required" to do about two hours of therapy a day. I began my sessions with Kaiden at the house last night. By the end of the hour I was sweating. That was one of the few times I will admit to another set of hands being useful. There wasn't enough of me to go around to get it all done. So, I'm revamping it and will try it again Friday. The first several attempts I'm sure will be exhausting. But, whatever it takes.
I know a lot of you have mentioned to me that you think Kaiden is too young to be diagnosed with autism. They have moved the guidelines to where they have begun testing 2 year olds. We have been told multiple times that catching it early on will only be an advantage of Kaiden down the road. No I'm not the type of mother who wants to diagnose their child with everything, believe me, but when you know something isnt right, you know. Others of you have mentioned that K seems so "normal".....well he is "normal" if that is even a word. But you have to remember that what we see is totally different then what friends see. You see a happy, running, jumping, smiling two year old...HE IS. We want him to be able to express his wants, communicate his needs, and various other things that arent quite happening yet. We know he will get there.
I know you hear me mention a lot of "we". Well there is a lot of we. It's not just me. Kaiden's dad and stepmom have been right there during all this too. It's an amazing feeling to know that he has just as much love and care at his other house as he does mine. All three of us are determined in this and will do whatever it takes. Someone this week told me I was crazy for getting along with his stepmom. Well it hasn't always been like this. It's been a long road but all three of us have come A LONG way. I thank God and many prayers from friends and family for this. Kaidens step mom is one of the only ones who "gets it". We can talk about the days events to one another without being looked at like we are crazy or that we should have handled things a different way. I thank God for putting his step mom in our lives.
This past week has made me so extremely thankful for my family, friends and church family. It seems like every day someone has done something amazing for Kaiden and I. I cannot thank you enough. I will "pay it forward" soon. You have no idea what each of you mean to me.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Friends=lifesavers
In the past two weeks I have had two surprises from two amazing friends. I won't go into detail as to what the surprises were, but I will never forget what Jackie Christian (lifelong family friend from Hamilton) and Jayme Taylor (best friend from college) did for me. I will one day get to "pay it forward":) I have another friend who will remain anonomous but has given and given mutliple times, he also should know that I will always be grateful.
The reason for my blog is so that I can one day show the world that it is possible to overcome autism. I want to show Kaiden what all we did and more importantly he did when he was younger.
Insurance has dealt us a bad hand. Kaiden's dad and I were told over the phone last week that we would not see any money back from the $2250 that we paid out of pocket for his therapy. We have since let that therapist go.....I have since deleted her from my phone book after her telling me to "add another $100 on to the invoice since this is never going to end." Oh, yes I was shaking I was so mad. I have written a letter to the Department of Insurance and to United Healthcare with my thoughts on them not accepting our autism claims. Denton ISD insurance is "self funded" which means that "self funded" insurance companies have the choice to not "bother" with anything autistic. Pretty pathetic if you ask me.
Kaiden is talking NON STOP. This is HUGE! This weekend he was using multiple word phrases...."It's cold outside." Or when I would tell him no we couldn't go outside because it was cold he would then say...
"No, no it's not cold outside." Last night, I grabbed him out of bed before he was asleep to go and see the snow. He was SO excited, laughing and trying to get it on his tounge. Before we went in he said "Bye snow." Have I mentioned he is precious:)
Mom continues to get better everyday. Her counts yesterday were the best they have been in a while. They told her that they hope she can get out of the hospital this week and go "across the street" to her hospital apartment where she will stay at least two more weeks. While she is there she will visit the hospital everyday for all sorts of tests. Cannot wait to have her back in Hamilton so we can come see her!! I cannot imagine how homesick she must be! Dad, Brian, and one of her sisters have been switching off staying with her during the week. I don't know how people do it without family. I wish I could go and stay, but it's just not possible with having little man. Just a few more weeks until spring break and we hope that all is well for her so that we can go and stay for days in Hamilton!
I pray you all have a blessed week!
Love, Jana and Kaiden
The reason for my blog is so that I can one day show the world that it is possible to overcome autism. I want to show Kaiden what all we did and more importantly he did when he was younger.
Insurance has dealt us a bad hand. Kaiden's dad and I were told over the phone last week that we would not see any money back from the $2250 that we paid out of pocket for his therapy. We have since let that therapist go.....I have since deleted her from my phone book after her telling me to "add another $100 on to the invoice since this is never going to end." Oh, yes I was shaking I was so mad. I have written a letter to the Department of Insurance and to United Healthcare with my thoughts on them not accepting our autism claims. Denton ISD insurance is "self funded" which means that "self funded" insurance companies have the choice to not "bother" with anything autistic. Pretty pathetic if you ask me.
Kaiden is talking NON STOP. This is HUGE! This weekend he was using multiple word phrases...."It's cold outside." Or when I would tell him no we couldn't go outside because it was cold he would then say...
"No, no it's not cold outside." Last night, I grabbed him out of bed before he was asleep to go and see the snow. He was SO excited, laughing and trying to get it on his tounge. Before we went in he said "Bye snow." Have I mentioned he is precious:)
Mom continues to get better everyday. Her counts yesterday were the best they have been in a while. They told her that they hope she can get out of the hospital this week and go "across the street" to her hospital apartment where she will stay at least two more weeks. While she is there she will visit the hospital everyday for all sorts of tests. Cannot wait to have her back in Hamilton so we can come see her!! I cannot imagine how homesick she must be! Dad, Brian, and one of her sisters have been switching off staying with her during the week. I don't know how people do it without family. I wish I could go and stay, but it's just not possible with having little man. Just a few more weeks until spring break and we hope that all is well for her so that we can go and stay for days in Hamilton!
I pray you all have a blessed week!
Love, Jana and Kaiden
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
A "What if " Day
As I'm typing I hear Kaiden singing himself to sleep:) Just what I needed after a day like today.
Today was Day 3 of his new ABA therapy in Irving. A 45 min drive followed by complete torture for me (and him) for two hours, then another 45 min drive home. Today was a rough one. They said the next threeish weeks would pretty much be a battle. Battle of the stubborn minds:) But if this is what works, I'm game. Tonight I was "lectured" on not giving in and not being so "lovey". Ok, I'm all for the not giving in, but one of the things I adore most about my little boy is how loving and cuddley he is. Maybe that's my fault. So the what if's started filling my head during the two hours I watched him tonight.
What if I had breast fed even after I went back to work?
What if I had stayed home longer than six weeks?
What if I had let my mom stay home with Kaiden?
What if I had not rocked him to sleep so much?
What if I had not picked him up all the time when he wanted to be held?
What if I had let him "cry it out" longer than what I did?
What if I had tried organic baby food?
What if I didn't let him watch the Baby Einstein videos he loved so much?
What if I had not made everything so available to him?
What if I had put my foot down about certain things in his life?
What if I had made the pediatrician space his shots out?
What if I had actually stayed in bed the whole time the doctor wanted me to?
That's just the beginning of my what if nightmare. Yes, I know that nothing I did caused Kaiden's autism. But, when you carry a child for nine months you are going to question yourself non stop.
Worry has consumed me this week. I'm pretty sure I'm on the verge of a stomach ulcer. Today was the type of day where if someone would've said the wrong thing to me I would've cried.
Which brings me onto my next worry. I miss my mom. So much. I miss my parents being here almost every other weekend playing with Kaiden. I wonder if he wonders where they are? I CANNOT wait until March. She didn't deserve cancer. No one does. She has been no doubt the most amazing, loving, caring wife and mother to us. And my dad, no one will ever understand all he has done for her. I long to find someone who will love me the way he loves her. Which is why I will hold out until I find just that. What an example they are.
My friend, Mia, always tells me "Jana, you are just so strong. After all the *^&$ you have been through the past couple years, you are always smiling and positive." Well Mia, not tonight. I'm going to pray that God gives me the strength to turn my worry around and get back to that tomorrow.
As one of my newest friends said two nights ago: "Oh how HE loves us so, oh how HE loves us.." That's right. He will get me out of my "what if" stage.
Today was Day 3 of his new ABA therapy in Irving. A 45 min drive followed by complete torture for me (and him) for two hours, then another 45 min drive home. Today was a rough one. They said the next threeish weeks would pretty much be a battle. Battle of the stubborn minds:) But if this is what works, I'm game. Tonight I was "lectured" on not giving in and not being so "lovey". Ok, I'm all for the not giving in, but one of the things I adore most about my little boy is how loving and cuddley he is. Maybe that's my fault. So the what if's started filling my head during the two hours I watched him tonight.
What if I had breast fed even after I went back to work?
What if I had stayed home longer than six weeks?
What if I had let my mom stay home with Kaiden?
What if I had not rocked him to sleep so much?
What if I had not picked him up all the time when he wanted to be held?
What if I had let him "cry it out" longer than what I did?
What if I had tried organic baby food?
What if I didn't let him watch the Baby Einstein videos he loved so much?
What if I had not made everything so available to him?
What if I had put my foot down about certain things in his life?
What if I had made the pediatrician space his shots out?
What if I had actually stayed in bed the whole time the doctor wanted me to?
That's just the beginning of my what if nightmare. Yes, I know that nothing I did caused Kaiden's autism. But, when you carry a child for nine months you are going to question yourself non stop.
Worry has consumed me this week. I'm pretty sure I'm on the verge of a stomach ulcer. Today was the type of day where if someone would've said the wrong thing to me I would've cried.
Which brings me onto my next worry. I miss my mom. So much. I miss my parents being here almost every other weekend playing with Kaiden. I wonder if he wonders where they are? I CANNOT wait until March. She didn't deserve cancer. No one does. She has been no doubt the most amazing, loving, caring wife and mother to us. And my dad, no one will ever understand all he has done for her. I long to find someone who will love me the way he loves her. Which is why I will hold out until I find just that. What an example they are.
My friend, Mia, always tells me "Jana, you are just so strong. After all the *^&$ you have been through the past couple years, you are always smiling and positive." Well Mia, not tonight. I'm going to pray that God gives me the strength to turn my worry around and get back to that tomorrow.
As one of my newest friends said two nights ago: "Oh how HE loves us so, oh how HE loves us.." That's right. He will get me out of my "what if" stage.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Hello again!
Well, I've decided to try this again. Right after I had Kaiden I designed a blog and it was very theraputic. Then, life changed a bit, got crazy busy and I stopped. Now that we are settled where we are supposed to be so I thought I would give it a go again.
Where do I even start?? Let's start with my biggest accomplishment....a single mom of a 2 year old. Some might not define me as a single mom, since Kaiden spends time with his dad too, but I do it alone here almost every day so I consider myself one. Kaiden is the absolute greatest blessing in my life. He has taught me that it is no longer about me, it's about what the Lord wants me to do for my little man. And, WOW has my life changed for the better.
Two years ago after I had Kaiden, I thought that my life would go the exact way I had planned. I was wrong. In the blink of an eye, I had to reshift my thoughts and start looking out for just the two of us. I then learned, I HAD to start putting GOD back in control of my life. It was time to make some major changes. So, I sucked up my hurt and my pain and I moved on with this crazy thing called life.
You know the saying "Everything happens for a reason".....well so far in my life I've witnessed it several times. Yes, I used to be married. No, it did not last. But, it lead me to where I am today and I would not even have my little boy if it weren't for all of the events that led up to him. Some people may shake their head at me, but I have learned to forgive them and ask for forgiveness at the same time.
My amazing little miracle was born on October 11, 2009. I was 37 almost 38 weeks along and he was ready to come. The moment I laid eyes on him, I knew all of the pain, all of the hurt (emotionally and physically) I had gone through was worth it.
Kaiden was meeting all of his milestones. Rolling over, sitting up, babbling, walking. He was the perfect baby. Very stubborn, very active, but perfect.
Now this is where some people stop listening to my story. I know what research says and what not, but I also know what a mothers instincts are. Kaiden had just turned one. He was saying mama, ball, dog and few other things. Then I took him in for his 1 year shots. The next day he stopped using his words......Ok, my tears are pouring now. I really didn't think much of it. Everyday I would say the words over and over to him to try to get him to say my name again....but nothing (talk about breaking my heart). Without going into too much detail, there were many other things that began happening that were red flags to me, my Mom and Dad, and come to find out later, Kaiden's dad and stepmom also noticed the same things.
One afternoon, Kaiden, Dad, and I loaded up in PawPaw's truck to go on an outing to Home Depot. That trip probably changed our life. It was a disaster. That's when my dad had a "come to Jesus meeting" with me about Kaiden's speech. I knew that he wasn't doing what "most kids" his age were, but I wanted him to be. The next day I asked Kaiden's dad and new step mom to come over to the house so we could discuss all of the things we were noticing. After talking for a while, I made a phone call to Ready Start to have them come out and test Kaiden for speech therapy. He qualified.
Thanks to Kaiden's AMAZING daycare, Leesa and Randy began having visitors from ECI come into their home twice a week for Kaiden's therapy. A couple of weeks into therapy our lives changed. Kristin, the speech therapist called to see if she could come do a home visit. I thought this was odd, but agreed. She sat down when she got to the house and told me she thought Kaiden should be tested for Austism.
I lost it.
My "ugly face cry" went on for about 10 min.
So, I immediately called Kaiden's dad after she left and told him what she thought. The next day I made a phone call to a developmental pediatrician in Flower Mound. We scheduled his testing for a week later.
After 2 appointments in Flower Mound, on September 12th, Kaiden was diagnosed with mild autism.
Kaiden is "labeled" as very high functioning. There are times you would never even know. My friends to this day say "WHAT, no way" when I tell them. But then, there are times where you can see glimpses of it. Our lives have been a rollercoaster since that day. I have been through every stage of grieving, probably twice. Kaiden continues to amaze me every day and they tell us that they have every hope of "beating this" by the time he enters public school.
There is no option for me. I will do everything in my power to get this demon out of my child's body. I will NEVER give up. Kaiden is in some sort of therapy four days a week. The other three we will be doing in our homes. Starting last week, Kaiden is receiving 2 days of ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) therapy in Irving from 4-6 pm. He is also receiving speech therapy after school at UNT. During daycare he still has therapy twice a week and we (me, Kaiden's dad and stepmom) will all be going thru training to continue the therapy at home. Early intervention is what works. So, that is what we will do.
So, for my friends who did not know....No, I was not hiding it. It has just taken me a while to become verbal about it. Our lives have been non stop every day and we are finally getting into a routine that we can all get used to.
My faith, family, and few friends who I have told have helped me get on the road to recovery for Kaiden. My God has changed our life and I thank Him EVERY day that he has given me a wake up call, that no I cannot do this alone. No one can do it alone. Cast your cares upon Him.
Goodnight all:)
Where do I even start?? Let's start with my biggest accomplishment....a single mom of a 2 year old. Some might not define me as a single mom, since Kaiden spends time with his dad too, but I do it alone here almost every day so I consider myself one. Kaiden is the absolute greatest blessing in my life. He has taught me that it is no longer about me, it's about what the Lord wants me to do for my little man. And, WOW has my life changed for the better.
Two years ago after I had Kaiden, I thought that my life would go the exact way I had planned. I was wrong. In the blink of an eye, I had to reshift my thoughts and start looking out for just the two of us. I then learned, I HAD to start putting GOD back in control of my life. It was time to make some major changes. So, I sucked up my hurt and my pain and I moved on with this crazy thing called life.
You know the saying "Everything happens for a reason".....well so far in my life I've witnessed it several times. Yes, I used to be married. No, it did not last. But, it lead me to where I am today and I would not even have my little boy if it weren't for all of the events that led up to him. Some people may shake their head at me, but I have learned to forgive them and ask for forgiveness at the same time.
My amazing little miracle was born on October 11, 2009. I was 37 almost 38 weeks along and he was ready to come. The moment I laid eyes on him, I knew all of the pain, all of the hurt (emotionally and physically) I had gone through was worth it.
Kaiden was meeting all of his milestones. Rolling over, sitting up, babbling, walking. He was the perfect baby. Very stubborn, very active, but perfect.
Now this is where some people stop listening to my story. I know what research says and what not, but I also know what a mothers instincts are. Kaiden had just turned one. He was saying mama, ball, dog and few other things. Then I took him in for his 1 year shots. The next day he stopped using his words......Ok, my tears are pouring now. I really didn't think much of it. Everyday I would say the words over and over to him to try to get him to say my name again....but nothing (talk about breaking my heart). Without going into too much detail, there were many other things that began happening that were red flags to me, my Mom and Dad, and come to find out later, Kaiden's dad and stepmom also noticed the same things.
One afternoon, Kaiden, Dad, and I loaded up in PawPaw's truck to go on an outing to Home Depot. That trip probably changed our life. It was a disaster. That's when my dad had a "come to Jesus meeting" with me about Kaiden's speech. I knew that he wasn't doing what "most kids" his age were, but I wanted him to be. The next day I asked Kaiden's dad and new step mom to come over to the house so we could discuss all of the things we were noticing. After talking for a while, I made a phone call to Ready Start to have them come out and test Kaiden for speech therapy. He qualified.
Thanks to Kaiden's AMAZING daycare, Leesa and Randy began having visitors from ECI come into their home twice a week for Kaiden's therapy. A couple of weeks into therapy our lives changed. Kristin, the speech therapist called to see if she could come do a home visit. I thought this was odd, but agreed. She sat down when she got to the house and told me she thought Kaiden should be tested for Austism.
I lost it.
My "ugly face cry" went on for about 10 min.
So, I immediately called Kaiden's dad after she left and told him what she thought. The next day I made a phone call to a developmental pediatrician in Flower Mound. We scheduled his testing for a week later.
After 2 appointments in Flower Mound, on September 12th, Kaiden was diagnosed with mild autism.
Kaiden is "labeled" as very high functioning. There are times you would never even know. My friends to this day say "WHAT, no way" when I tell them. But then, there are times where you can see glimpses of it. Our lives have been a rollercoaster since that day. I have been through every stage of grieving, probably twice. Kaiden continues to amaze me every day and they tell us that they have every hope of "beating this" by the time he enters public school.
There is no option for me. I will do everything in my power to get this demon out of my child's body. I will NEVER give up. Kaiden is in some sort of therapy four days a week. The other three we will be doing in our homes. Starting last week, Kaiden is receiving 2 days of ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) therapy in Irving from 4-6 pm. He is also receiving speech therapy after school at UNT. During daycare he still has therapy twice a week and we (me, Kaiden's dad and stepmom) will all be going thru training to continue the therapy at home. Early intervention is what works. So, that is what we will do.
So, for my friends who did not know....No, I was not hiding it. It has just taken me a while to become verbal about it. Our lives have been non stop every day and we are finally getting into a routine that we can all get used to.
My faith, family, and few friends who I have told have helped me get on the road to recovery for Kaiden. My God has changed our life and I thank Him EVERY day that he has given me a wake up call, that no I cannot do this alone. No one can do it alone. Cast your cares upon Him.
Goodnight all:)
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