In the moment...

Sometimes my mind goes 3674478 mph.  Ok not sometimes, all the time. Kaiden had his 4 year well check on Thursday and of course I came with a list of questions (def got that one from my mom). She answered all of them because in my opinion she is a saint and gets me....but then she said something about being in the moment, that Kaiden has made all these wonderful huge progressions and that I need to slow down and just let everything work the way it's supposed to. Yes we've been on the gluten free dairy free diet for what seems like forever and yes I expected this miraculous outcome.  Or at least that's what I told her...but then I got to thinking....2 months ago he couldn't drink thru a straw bc something wasn't clicking...6 months ago I would've called you a liar if you would've said he'd be eating EVERYTHING that I want him to try.  1 month ago he wouldn't even get weighed or measured at the dr without freaking out....but Thursdays appt was actually peaceful.  He loved every minute of it...well besides when they looked in his ears.

So yes. Dr Bain is right. There are huge leaps and bounds being made daily. I guess I'm guilty of always wanting the next best thing for him. I always want to  do what's best for him. What mother doesn't???

Anyway...his "stats" show that he will basically be the size of a NBA players and I'm loving that.
He's got a love for Christmas that knows no bounds. He loves life, every second of it. And for that I will slow down and be in the moment with him so I can cherish every single second.

Working Mom Blues

Ever reach a point where you literally cannot take in any more information.....
That happened today.  It was awesome.
After weeks of change and new beginnings with work and let downs with finances, insuance, therapy, drs appointments, hearing how your child literally has hardly any nutrients left inside of him even though he eats healthier than most kids, because of his leaky gut...today was the day where I said to myself "Self, stop." 

And you know what. I'm listening and it's ok.
Well after I stayed at work until 6:15 pm.

About two months ago we went to our new (AND SERIOUSLY BRILLIANT) holistic pediatrician to get some tests run on K's insides.  After scooping poo into vials among other fantastic procedures that included blood sweat and tears from Kaiden, Mommy and Neni....the results came in.

And, basically our world got shook again.  Long gone are the days of oh let's just grab something to go.  Or I'll just pull in here and grab him a chocolate milk.  Nope, not so much.  Every. single. part. of every day now has to be planned out.  There's vitamins in the morning, creams in the morning, liquid vitamins in the day, creams at night, and probiotics before bed.  There is NO more dairy, no more gluten and we will be on hidden veggie overload.  It's goodbye to Walmart and hello to natural stores.  It's goodbye to resting on  Sunday afternoons and hello to pretending I'm a gluten free Betty Crocker.  But like I say every day.....the kid is worth it.  He's worth the traveling notebook that goes from Mommy to Daddy's house that keeps us knowing what's next.  He's worth the twice weekly grocery store runs where buying 5 things costs $75.  He's worth the entire house smelling of brocolli for two days.  I have never known a more wonderful human being (even if his new favorite thing to say is stinky butt:)

So, life continues to be crazy.  But hey, that's our norm.  That's what keeps us rockin!
But, it's time for me to start slowing down and pushing the things that really don't matter THAT much to the side.  Because it'll be there tomorrow.  And the next day. 

Someone fabulous showed this to me the other day and I can't stop thinking about it :
"Autism: where every success is worth more than money can buy"

People just don't get it.  I would live in a shack if it meant seeing Kaiden succeed in life. 

August 13, 2013

I've never blogged from my phone so this might be a tad rough. Today I heard a sentence that instantly caused me to be the happiest I have ever been: "he barely qualifies to even be on the spectrum."

Are you kidding me?????

Two years ago our world was completely rocked. Kaiden could not communicate his wants, needs, frustrations, emotions. Today, every tear cried, mile driven, hours spent on the phone, fight fought, whisper ignored, money spent to the point of having NONE made it worth EVERY SINGLE DAY we did this.

I said it from day 1, he will overcome this. And with our God by our side helping us with every decision that had to be made, Kaiden kicked autism's butt and he's not even 4.

Don't let anyone ever tell you you can't do something.

Don't ever back down from your motherly instincts.

Don't ever think you can fight your battles alone.

Don't for one second underestimate a child.

Don't for a second question Gods love for you.

No drill!!!

"no drill!!" that's what Kaiden now says when we go to the doctor:( he thinks the shots are drills.....breaks my heart....two weeks ago we began our journey with a new pediatrician in Frisco, who specializes with kids on the spectrum.  She finds the deficiencies in their bodies, looks to see what foods are causing allergies and we will begin a gluten free/casein free detox program in a couple of days.  When we were there last they took three vials of blood...needed 5 but we just couldn't do it.  It was literally the hardest thing I've watched in 3.5 years.  To hold your child down while he is in pain and has no idea what is going on, is heartbreaking.  But we got through it and will have to go through it again Thursday.   Jen goes with us as well and that makes things so much easier.  I got to talk with the doctor for a while and it was so nice to hear someone who gets it!!  Our old pedi shoved away my concerns and fears when Kaiden was younger..."oh he's fine, he's just a boy, he will grow out of it."  Here just give him this cough medicine, decongestant which in return will make him so agitated and restless.  Instead  Dr. Bain agrees that vaccines played a part in this.  It might not have been THE cause,  but it was a factor.  This detox WILL get the poison out of his body.

I've started a new book called "I Declare"....it's all about positive talk.  There are multiple times a day I think negatively....but I refuse to verbalize it, because then it's out there...
So,  Kaiden will be healed, he will beat this, he will have the Lords favor.  We serve an almighty, healing God.

Just because you don't see anything happening doesn't mean
 God is not working----"I Declare"

All I want for mothers day is time

I hear so many mothers who want "material" things for mothers day.  I want my son.  I want to hold him, kiss him, hug him, smell him (weird I know), listen to him talk, go for a walk, sing with him, bathe him.

There is literally nothing I would rather do on any given day then spend time with him.  He is my world.  He makes me feel complete, he gives me purpose, when I'm not with him I feel lost.  Like I should be doing something for him at all times.  And usually I am.  When he's at his dads, I clean, I do laundry, I shop just so that when I do have him I don't have to waste my time doing those things. 

People tell me I'm lucky if I have a day without him.  Shut your mouth.  I would choose having him every. single. day.  I would choose not having a social life or any free time.  But,  I am so blessed and thankful that he has a second home that is filled with love.  I literally couldn't ask for a better dad and step mom for him.

I can't believe that I have been a mother for 3.5 years.  Doesn't even seem possible.  These 3.5 years have been filled with happy, sad, frustrating, confusing, emotional, love filled days. I can remember the days that I longed for him to say my name, then he did but could only say it with an N, then finally the real deal.  Besides the day I gave birth to him that was the best day of my life.  I love driving him to and from therapy, sitting in the waiting room for an hour each time, researching ways to help him, finding new healthy foods, doing the bizarre things other warrior mothers do. The hours spent worrying, miles spent driving, money spent on gas and therapies, hours spent on the phone with insurance, drs, planning our next step so that it doesn't throw him for a loop, surrouding him with things that make him happy, scheduling.... make it all worth it when he smiles and laughs at the simple things in life. 

The love he has for me makes me love him even more.  I used to say, I don't think I could ever be a stay at home mom.  I have changed my mind.  I literally want to spend every day with him.  I'm sure you are thinking, you are so weird.  No, I'm obsessed with my child and I don't care.  What mother isn't?

Kaiden Scott Woltman, you have no idea what you have done for me.  You have shown me what true love is.  You have shown me patience.  You have shown me how to fight for you.  You have shown me how to stand up for myself when others may have opinions about things I do.  You have changed my life and I will thank my God every day.

NO TEARS!!!

No, this is not about no tears for Kaiden....it's a big mommy moment step for me!!  The past several months.....ok well basically since K was diagnosed I always get SUPER emotional when I talk to people about Kaiden.  No, not because I am embarrased.  I am FAR from that because I think my son is just about the most awesome kid there is.  Not only does he grow and learn everyday but he works harder than any kid I know.  Ok, back to my moment.....
Kaiden and I were at lunch with Bert and his boys on Sunday.  (Bert is my boyfriend, only K calls him Dert because he can't say his D's:)  ) It's pretty cute!  At the restaurant there was a slide that all the kids play on before their meal is ready.  Well K is a pro at it.  So he goes 90 mph climbing the stairs and going down.  He wasn't quite understanding the reasoning for not standing in a certain spot that the waitress didn't want him to stand in.  Sooooooo, here comes waitress to our table.  Now, I see all this happening and to me it wasn't a big deal so I didn't intervene. As she is walking my way I get up and head that way.  She stops me and says "I'm trying to tell him to not stand there but he acts like he doesn't want to listen."  I say "It's ok, he is autistic so it's not because he's trying to be ugly, you just have to know how to talk to him and get his attention" Now, a month ago I probably would have gone to the bathroom and cried.  There is another instance that happened that day that also would have caused me to cry that I won't go into detail about....... but I held it together!

Crying in public???  Ain't nobody got time for that!!!

No, I am not saying there is anything wrong with crying.  BELIEVE ME I do it ALL the time, at times I think that is what keeps me sane. 

I was at church on Sunday and someone said that their son was delayed in some areas and I told her about our story.  She said "No way, I would have never known".  That made me think of a quote I saw the other day :

"Autism, is part of my child, it's not everything he is. My child is so much more than a diagnosis.”

It's so true.  This kid is my world.  He loves to love. He loves to laugh. He loves to wrestle, sing, dance, talk, run, play, go for walks, rides and trips.  He is a kid, a normal 3 year old kid who just happens to see things a little differently than we do.  But you know what, he is 100% happy and content and that is ALL I can ask for.  He is still kicking autism's butt and will overcome with the help of his family, those who love him and most importantly our Creator, for He is the ONLY one who knows what is in store for Kaiden. 

Thank you Lord for this amazing gift you have given me, I will continue to love him with all of my heart. 

New year, new routine.

Goodbye 2012.  So much happened, good, bad, ugly, but a whole lot of positive.  First and foremost, my Mama kicked cancer's ass.  Yes Mom, I said ass.  There was a time there where Satan was working overtime but with her faith, our family's faith, our friends' faith, the Lord and Mom won the battle. 

Secondly, ( I don't think I like that word but it fits here) Kaiden won.  He can now communicate everyday with us and is a boy.  A three year old boy.  A boy that plays non stop, a boy that does not even let this autism stuff stand in his way.  There are days that go by that I never see one "symptom".  Don't get me wrong, there are days where I want to punch autism in the face if it had one.  But, over the course of a year, he has defied the odds, just like I said he would.  He never gave up, yes he's only three and didn't really have an option because we never gave up. Four days a week going to therapy and multiple hours of it at home.  Thousands of miles driven, thousands of dollars spent, thousands of tears cried.  But worth them all. 

2012 also brought renewed relationships and renewed faith.  At church one morning I threw away the key of holding a grudge (literally had a key that the pastor gave us and left it at the altar).  From that day on, life has been so much easier.  So much better for our family.  It is possible for parents and step parents or whatever you want to call it to get along.  It may not be easy at first (we could tell many stories) but prayer works wonders.  I pray all the time.  I pray before going to bed, when I wake up, in the shower, before I walk into a new situation, in the middle of lunch duty.......the answers may not always be what we want to hear but He hears them and leads us in the direction we need to go.  I get the praying from my mama and her mama:)

My best friend lost her sweet baby boy in 2012 and almost lost her father.  I sat with her last night as the ball was dropping and she said "2013 has to be a better year".  She has taught me more than she will EVER know.  I held her hand as she went through the worst day of her life and now in 2013 she will welcome a sweet baby boy. 


Kaiden will now go to the UNT center four days a week.  One day for speech therapy and the other three for his ABA therapy.  It's so nice to have a consistent schedule that is so close to home.  I hated having him in the car for hours going to and from therapy.  Insurance will work in our benefit (until September) and we will not have to pay a dime in just a couple of months! 

Christmas is all packed up here at the Mommy and Kaiden house and we have to wait another year for the "most wonderful time of the year".  Kind of seems like the fast forward button was hit during the holidays. 

The end of 2012 brought me unexpected happiness and I cannot wait to see what 2013 has in store.
I love you all, and whether you know it or not, you have touched my life and I am so thankful to have you in it.  That was a lot of you's in one sentence:)